So a few weeks back, our washing machine began to make a funny noise going into the spin cycle, sort of like KRAKOOMFCLANG or some such Germanic sound. Imagine Sputnik III landing on your roof without all shoots deployed. Then last Thursday, when it went into the spin cycle…it didn’t. It wouldn’t spin, drain the water or open the door. So, I turned it off and headed to the trailer for the weekend, assuming it would feel better by Monday. Apparently not.
So on Monday, I decided that being a bit of a handyman (read cheap), I could fix it myself. So I grabbed the handyman’s favourite tool…Google and began to analyze the problem. Hmmm, Ohhhh, ahhh, I see. Alright, got it, and with a mitt full of tools, head off to do battle with the washing machine.
I am quite sure that if a washing machine could laugh…this one would have pissed itself. As a matter of fact, when I undid that one hose…it did. And unfortunately, it made it look like I pissed myself.
My particular washing machine has two shock absorbers that, according to Google, prevent it from going KRAKOOMFCLANG when it goes into spin mode. Now, I am no engineer, but I am pretty sure that in order for them to absorb any shock…they need to be connected at both ends. Mine weren’t.
Ok, so this is bigger than I thought, but according to Google, the little thingy at the front was the pump, and in all likelihood, something had got stuck in it. So, let’s take it apart first. Some grunting, a bit of swearing, and some more grunting, and it was out. Once again, I am not really a washing machine repairman, but I am pretty sure that the 6-inch piece of wire sticking out of the spinny part that pumps water…isn’t good.
Now, my particular washing machine has a soft rubber basket that is supposed to catch stuff and prevent it from getting into the spinny thing. In the case of a savings account, $6.72 isn’t a lot; It’s more than I have, but it isn’t a lot. But in a washing machine…it is a hell of a lot! $6.72 in change, two guitar picks (it might have wanted to serenade the dryer), six nails and 3 screws (don’t even go there), a piece of plastic and the six-inch wire. HOLY CRAP!!! No wonder it stopped working. Clean that out and time to Google…changing shock absorbers.
Now Google has this lovely little video where a very nice man takes a screwdriver and the tiniest little hammer and, in about 60 seconds, has both shock absorbers out. Another sixty seconds, and the new ones are in. Simple! He said cute little things like, “The air hose may be in the way…just gently move it aside.” THE AIR HOSE MAY BE IN THE WAY!? HOW ABOUT THE ENTIRE FRIGGIN WASHING DRUM MAY BE IN THE FRIGGIN WAY!!! HEY…HOW ABOUT THAT! But I digress. So, after struggling with the left side and sort of winning I started to take on the right. But what is this? Back to Google. “Oh, great Google…bearer of all knowledge…what makes a washing machine bleed?” Apparently, as I read through the blood-stained screen…washing machines don’t bleed. Well then, where the hell is all that…Oh crap…that looks deep. Wipe up the blood, get a band-aid, beat the crap out of the other shock absorber, and we are good for the night,
Today, I got the new shock absorber “Kit”. Now, “Kit” to me, implies a promise of all things needed to fix the errant shock absorbers. How wrong you are, oh great one. “Kit” in this scenario means MOST of the parts you will need to fix the problem. Grumble, grumble. Hammer, hammer. Re-use old parts. No leaks…spins like a damn, need a drink. Peace out!